“We make everything that is uncertain, certain. Just certain. The more frayed we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are.” -Brene Brown
We are built for connection. Connection, acceptance, relationship. Dots that we are constantly trying to connect in our lives. A deep-seated need we all are trying to fill. We clamor for belonging, even when we put up walls and pretenses that push us away from that very need and want for connection that we desire. The depths of this need knows no bounds and it affects each one of us in very different and profound ways.
So we spend the precious moments of our time and days in the ongoing search for connection, belonging, and even validation. An imprint on our very hearts that we so desperately try to fill.
It becomes our driver…
We work frenetically to fill that imprint…a new house, a new car, new knowledge, more knowledge, more prestige, more friends, more likes, more tweets, more, more, more…often feels like the more we try to fill the imprint the deeper its depths. The bigger the void.
And each of us has a driver in our life…even if we fail to recognize or step up and own it.
Which is why it is so incredibly important for us to open ourselves to being vulnerable. One of the most difficult and courageous acts that we will offer to those in our lives. Brene Brown refers to it as “excruciating vulnerability”…being “willing to go there first, when there are no guarantees” and “to let go of who you thought you should be for who you really are.”
When we give others the green light to be “who they are” rather than “who they think they should be”…we create a connection that is more authentic, more real. One that removes the need for pretense, for one of acceptance. Creating a sense of “worthiness” and “belonging”. Not for what that person brings or provides, but for who they really are. A deep and authentic connection.
When we create that space for those in our life…we can begin to take those first steps away from the “stuff” that we use to try to fill that imprint on our heart.
Which is why leading is often an act of courage. Leaders go first…even when it requires “excruciating vulnerability”.
As we take on the days and weeks to come, Brene Brown gives insight to those dots of connection…
“Let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen. To love with our whole hearts, even though there is no guarantee. To practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror – to be grateful. Believe that we are enough. Stop screaming and start listening. Then we are gentler and kinder to ourselves and those around us.”
(Quotes in bold taken from two TED talks provided by Brene Brown)